Oh dear, I see I have more work to do
I am addicted to statistics. I have to work from home; if I didn’t, I would be fired for checking my blog statistics once every 9.7 seconds. It’s bad, but there you have it. I have recently become fascinated by How People Find Me. Not surprisingly, the more I blather about disparate topics, the more folks end up here by searching. Stands to reason–the more posts I publish, the more key words. The more key words, the more ways to find me through searching.
It seems like my most off-the-wall posts are attracting the most attention. I post about Little Miss Minced Fish, and I am inundated by folks searching for “tv commercial about minced fish,” “you feed me minced fish commercial” and “you feeding me minced fish.” I am not making this up. I post about butterscotch pudding, and I can’t tell you how many folks wandered by searching for “soft food for the teethless/toothless.” Yes, really.
Some of the ways I “get found” are disturbing, and some make me laugh. Some make me laugh uncomfortably. Here, I have compiled a list for you:
- Alternative to Cool Whip Do people really have to search for that? I guess so. If we are to believe that picture up there, Cool Whip is sold as a food group unto itself.
- How much does a pound of sugar cost? I love questions like this. It means folks are thinking. The answer, based on $3/5 pounds, is about 60 cents
- “sea” related pastries I have no idea what this means. Wedding cakes with a shell motif? Fish cookies? Salt water taffy?
- caramelized pastry savory pie recipe I’m not sure what they’re talking about, but I’m going to make one. Maybe a chicken pot pie with a deep golden brown crust? Perhaps a lamb pie? Oh, that would be nice!
- sorbet brix Remember the egg test? I’m still underground for giving that one away!
- the coolest cookbook ever Yup. Covered that one. Some of you guys told me what your favorites are, too.
- creme anglaise over hot water bath I figure they wanted to know if you have to make/how to make creme Anglaise in a double boiler. It depends on how patient you are and how maniacally you are able to whisk. I am an impatient whisking maniac, so I do it over direct heat.
- how to make whipping cream from scratch First, get some magic beans. No, that’s wrong. First, buy a cow. Next, milk it. Make sure it is a Girl Cow, or things will go Poorly for you.
- muffin tunnels This one makes me smile–short and to the point. They could have searched “how do I keep from getting these infernal tunnels in my muffins,” but they were succinct and I appreciate that. I hope they found what they were looking for.
- how to spread cream cheese icing on cupcakes Um….you just kind of do it. I’m not sure how to respond to this. Dip cupcakes in icing and twist firmly? Use a trowel? Pack it on with a wet hand? Oh, dear…
- puff pastry cobbler This is a wonderful idea. Yes–top your fruit with puff pastry to make an easy cobbler.
- how many cans of whipped cream until you Until you WHAT? Explode? Get sick? Don’t leave me hanging like…
- stop pie shrinkage Now, this person has a sense of humor. I hope they enjoyed themselves here.
- cake decorating cool whip Just say no. Walk away from the cool whip. Try searching “alternative to Cool Whip”
- nature vs nurture bisexuality I have no idea. I know I wrote about nature versus nurture, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t get into sexual preference. Perhaps in a fugue state?
- is tahini okay for pregnant women Um, I don’t know. I wouldn’t give up hummus if I were pregnant. Anyone?
- how to make cool whip from whipped cream Impossible.
And there you have it.
So as not to just amuse myself with this post but to also offer something that might actually be useful to you guys, I will now take some questions from The Gallery.
What is the most versatile item in the pastry kitchen? That is debateable. Cake layers are pretty versatile, as is pastry cream. I’m going out on a limb with: meringue. Master meringue, and you can make buttercream, angel food cake, macarons, lady fingers, mousse, souffles and Pavlova. I’m sure there are more uses for it, as well, but those are the ones that came to me off the top of my brain.
Name some great flavor combinations. strawberry, mint and basil; honey, lemon and tea; vanilla, cherry and a judicious amount of lavender; caramel, onion and apple (okay, maybe not for dessert); coconut, rum and banana; coffee, orange and chocolate; the floor is now open for more ideas
What makes food amazing? Well, that narrows it down. Amazing, fresh ingredients make amazing food. Sound cooking technique makes amazing food. And contrast–in flavors, colors, textures, temperatures–makes for amazing food. Also, almost any food on a stick is amazing. Again, the floor is open.
Actually, the floor here is always open for a good cooking/baking discussion, so say what you have to say and we can all learn something new!
