I Hate Cool Whip

It's time for a Cool Whip Intervention

It’s time for a Cool Whip Intervention

I’m sorry, but I do. No, wait a minute.  I un-apologetically hate Cool Whip.  I wince when I see folks put Cool Whip on foods–and don’t get me started on recipes that actually say “Fold in a tub of Cool Whip!”  Ack!  Do you know what is in this stuff?  Allow me to elucidate you, if you are unaware:  water, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated coconut and palm kernel oils, sodium caseinate, vanilla extract, xanthan gum, guar gum, polysorbate 60 and beta carotene.  For “color.”  It might as well be called “Non-Edible”, let alone “Non-Dairy.”  And then they went and made the chocolate kind and–ugh–French vanilla.  Sign of the end times, my friends, sign of the end times.

If I sound harsh, it’s partly because my spell-checker recognizes those words and partly because I’m a believer in real food, not Frankenfood.  So, for those of you who need your Cool Whip–or those of you who have friends that need their CW, please allow me to offer you some natural and yummy alternatives to top this year’s holiday desserts.

Whipped creme fraiche.  Creme fraiche is easy to make, so make some.  Once you have it and it’s chilled, you can whip it like cream.  Use brown or white sugar, or even some maple syrup or honey as your sweetener.  You can also add ground spices or extracts.  Don’t forget your pinch of salt, people.  When you whip creme fraiche, it will thin out initially.  Fear not, keep whipping and it will thicken up nicely, even to the point where you can form an elegant quenelle to perch atop your dessert.  And no, there is no real recipe–just do this to taste, and use flavors that will be complementary to your dish.

Another alternative is whipped cream.  You can treat this the same way as the creme fraiche.  The only difference will be that your creme fraiche toppings will whip up a little firmer and have a bit more of a tang to them.  You might consider saving the creme fraiche for the grown ups and pass whipped cream at the children’s table.

And if for one minute you try and tell me that you don’t want all those calories from heavy cream, I ask you “You’d rather have high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils mixing with your lovely homemade creation?”  Please.  It’s the holidays.  Eat a tablespoon or two of the real stuff.

And that is what I have to say about that.  Feel free to weigh in with your comments.  I’d love to hear from you!  You can also check out my Recipe Page for some more Thanksgiving-ish dessert ideas.

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Comments

  1. Jamie says

    I have been baking with Graham Cracker crusts lately and although I have a great filling, I can’t find the right topping. My family doesn’t liked whipped cream on desserts and despises Cool Whip. Do you have any suggestions?

    • says

      I’m surprised they don’t like whipped cream! (But thank goodness they hate Cool Whip, too!!) Do you make it from scratch? If not, try heavy cream, sugar to taste, pinch of salt and wee splash of vanilla. If they still don’t like it, maybe you could try whipping 2 parts cream w/sugar, etc, and then whip in 1 part sour cream–adds a nice tang. Make sure the heavy cream is at soft-medium/soft peaks before whipping in sour cream or it won’t work. Depending on what kind of filling you use, you could make an Italian meringue as a topping. Whipping egg whites to medium peaks and then whipping in a sugar syrup at 248 degrees, F. Completely cooked=no weeping. You can brown it in the oven or use a torch. If, after all of this, they still don’t like topped pie, just serve naked pie. At the end of the day, sometimes it’s easier to just go with it rather than force an issue :D

      Hope I’ve helped.

  2. Chuck says

    I just happened upon your site and read your article “I HATE COOL WHIP”,…………and found that”I Love you! I’m sorry, but I do. No, wait a minute. I un-apologetically love you!!!”

  3. Chuck says

    I just found your web-site and read “I HATE COOL WHIP” and realized that “I Love You”! ” I’m sorry, but I do. No, wait a minute. I un-apologetically love you”!!!!
    Thank you for your web-site. Thank you for the article. Thank you for your recipes. But, most of all, thank you for your clear explanations and your “The Why’s Of The How’s.
    I appreciate your talents, your hard work, and your willingness to share.
    Thank You. (Did I mention that I love you?)

  4. Pat says

    Hi!
    I also just found your web site, and I share your hatred of Cool Whip. I also have no tolerance for the slackers who eat canned chicken and frozen meatballs! Come on people, how hard is it to boil a chicken or make a meatball… takes some time sure, but at least you know what you’re putting in your mouth. I’m looking forward to checking out your website!

  5. Ida96 says

    I too hate CW — protested for years when my mother bought and proffered it on holidays.  I now live in New Zealand, where there is no Cool Whip!

  6. Miss Gazelle says

    OMG.
    This made me smile, gawk, wince and maybe even throw up a teeny bit.
    I grew up in a family were we would make REAL WHIPPED CREAM! So I never really was around c*** w***… I really, really, really am glad I wasn’t.

  7. shoppize says

    How can I use real cream in place of cool whip in that “fold in” type of recipe. The suggestions here sound only safe as a topping…can any be folded in?

Trackbacks

  1. [...] I, myself, enjoy a good nog.  I grew up drinking the carageenan thickened, yellow, fake-nutmeg flavored um…..liquid….from the grocery store.  I used to like that stuff a lot.  Now, well, ick.  There are a couple of reasons for my change of heart.  One:  I grew up.  Two:  I enjoy natural ingredients.  I really grok that old Breyer’s Ice Cream commercial–Why Can’t Johnny Read?  There sat poor little Johnny, feebly trying to sound out an uber-polysyllabic ingredient list.  I can still hear his high, quavering voice and see the scowl of concentration on his fair brow, “Poly…..poly…..”  So sad.  And so true.  You know how I feel about scary ingredients. [...]

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